DRAW YOUR CIRCLE.

I am often asked what I do with “all of my time” now that the kids are in school for seven hours of the day. And I have to admit— I’m shocked how quickly those hours pass by. I knew there would still be dishes to put away, clothes baskets full of dirty laundry needing my attention, and dinner would be expected each evening. But somehow I thought the quiet, down-time would be easily accessible. 

It’s not.

I am finding that this quiet, down-time I so desperately crave must be scheduled much like my workouts that have become a non-negotiable for me—they’re good for my physical well-being as well as my emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. And quiet, down-time is also good for all of those things, so I need to make it a priority.

A few weeks I found myself googling local seminaries and researching their Biblical Counseling degrees. I hosted a seven week Bible Study here at my home, which I loved doing and am glad I did for that stint of time. I have felt this overwhelming need to prove that I have a brain in my head that is useful for more than drycleaning pick-ups and toilet scrubbing. I am capable of more than carting kids to and fro and helping with homework on occassion. Maybe the ground got shaky under my feet as the “homeschool mom” rug got pulled out from under me. {A welcome pull, don’t misunderstand, but a pull nonetheless.}

One day as I drove down the road in silence (one of my favorite things, by the way), I was grappling with all of this in my mind, asking God to help me discern my next steps. And just as clearly as He could have, He reminded me of a yoke. I pictured the yoke we have hanging over our fireplace. And I heard in my heart, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me for I am gentle and humble of heart and you will find rest for your soul.” Matthew 11:28-29 

The yoke is a picture of a Leader and Learner. I am the Learner, obviously, and God is my Leader. To put the yoke on my neck, so to speak, I must lower my head in humility, admitting my need. The yoke puts me in close proximity to a loving Lord. The yoke keeps me walking in the direction He chooses and at His pace.

I sensed a peace at this moment. A big exhale and calmness. A freedom from needing to BE someone different or DO something different at this time. It was an invitation to rest and grow, to serve my family willingly, to sacrifice some more and mature in my walk with the Lord. What an opportunity He gives me in this season.

In a recent email from Jen Pollock Michel, she mentioned a circle and how once a circle is drawn, there is inevitably “inside the circle” and “outside the circle.”  There is no circle without the line, no shape to the whole without the definitive boundary of in and out,” she writes. Not everything can fit inside my circle. I can’t be everywhere and do everything at all times. I am human. No matter what message society likes to try and send, you cannot have it all. But you can have what matters. You can have what God intends for you. 

So I have asked myself, “What does God have in my circle?” And part of this process is recognizing the very good and fun and appealing things outside of the circle. 

Josh, Ruby, Molly and Mack—-their needs and lives are in my circle. Prayer for them as a priority in my day is in my circle. This is no small matter. Unseen, yes. Unimportant, no way.

Workouts are in my circle. House responsibilities are in my circle. Grief—processing it, working through it—is in my circle. Keeping margin in my days for writing is in my circle.Though I would much rather someone else train my twelve year old son in organizational skills, this is in my circle. It would be easier if dealing with two lost PE uniforms by the same twelve year old boy was someone else’s challenge, but it’s in my circle. Teaching Ruby how to drive a vehicle is in my circle, and ohmygoodnessgracious do I wish it wasn’t. Saying yes to what is in my circle is also saying no to all the things outside of my circle.  I have a responsibility to God as it relates to what He has entrusted to me in this season of life. I want to be found faithful. 

What’s in your circle? What is not in your circle? Both are worth considering.

3 thoughts on “DRAW YOUR CIRCLE.

  1. Thank you for sharing! Good thoughts to ponder as my circles lately seem like a big blur!!
    I can’t wait for the day you do a live Facebook bible study! You are so awesome friend!!

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