Get Real.

I have never been touted as being optimistic. Not necessarily pessimistic. Just realistic.

And I feel the need to just say it clearly—Life is hard. The layers of emotions and challenges and ridiculousnesses of life can really wear someone down. 

I have taken a break from Instagram and WOW what a refreshment to my soul. For real. I am getting more and more in touch with my own thoughts and desires and it is so healthy. I am also immersed in the last few weeks of summer with my kids before they start their first ever “real” school year. And I am honestly about to lose my mind.

I don’t know who thought it was a great idea to let 15 year old know it all children be able to learn to drive. I mean, the world is already against them, let’s give them keys to my car and put Mom or Dad in the passenger seat to give orders. More orders that the 15 year old doesn’t really want to listen to because the 15 year old knows everything.

Or the extroverted middle child who cannot breathe calmly if there is no social event in the next 24 hours. She has come to me with a birthday guest list of 45. She is turning 14. That is not like “13” or “Sweet 16” or “I’m officially an adult at 18.” It’s 14. But people help her function, so a party is on her mind. And gifts, very specific gifts. But the school clothes and shoes we just bought her don’t count. Nor do the colored pencils and index cards I guess. 

Then there is Mack who has decided during his last few weeks before attending “real” school he would open and put together all 18 of his Tinker Crate Projects. I bought these things as a subscription for him to do every month as a Science supplement. They collected dust until yesterday and now I cannot use my kitchen table. I have robots and planetariums and more scattered all over the place.

Let’s talk about the school supplies for three children. Wowza. Amazon deliveries arrive daily, and we mark off items from the school supply list. The stack has grown exponentially over the last week, and I can’t walk on one side of my kitchen table. 

Laundry. I can do my laundry easily. In the washer, move to dryer, fold and put away. The kids do laundry like they are toddlers given the assignment. I can’t even come upstairs when they are in the process because I seriously lose my mind. Clean or dirty piles? Who knows?!?! And Mack uses entirely too much detergent. I cannot convince him it is concentrated. And Ruby will fold her clothes “tomorrow.” It’s always tomorrow. Such great plans for tomorrow. 

And these are just the issues I would actually talk about on the blog. There are more, believe me. There are more! The difficult issues that take time and lots of prayer and lots of discussions to walk through. The issues we don’t really talk about because it could be embarrassing or you could think I am a terrible parent. Those kind of issues. But guess what? We all have them. And I just want to say that my “pre-this age kids” self would have probably judged you. For that, I am deeply sorry. But this Kristy, this 42 year old mom of a 12, 13 and 15 year old has thrown judgment and criticalness out the window because I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING. I am praying and doing my best, but I can’t even see any semblance of perfection within a gazillion trillion miles of my house. I think we are making progress, but most days that is still uncertain. 

So that is the blog post today. I am in a little season of trying to keep my head above water. Paddling like crazy. Kicking my legs like there’s no tomorrow. 

And don’t give me the whole Jesus is able to carry you through everything and keep you from drowning. I know this. I know this and believe this. But I am also just being real. Today feels like almost drowning. Today feels like tired legs and tired arms. I think I will just go to bed.

New Song {you must listen to!}

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I don’t want to play the game
I don’t live inside a screen
I’m not for sale, not a brand, not a name
No, I am a human being
.
I want to let all my friends up close
Where I’m fragile, unfiltered and weak
Cause only the broken can be redeemed
It’s the way of the human being
.
From dust we came to dust we’ll go
Still Love has called our names
We were made for more than the mindless scroll
Or acting on a stage
Oh can’t you feel that ache?
.
Instrumental
.
So teach me to number my days
Turn my eyes from worthless things
I want to see my children and watch them grow
Pray in the secret when no one knows
Look up at the stars and turn down the noise
And listen for that still, small voice
I want to lay down the trifles and choose the feast
‘Cause we were made for eternal things
I am a human
We are all human
We are all human beings
.
.
.

Week with Mack

I just emptied out two cups full of nasty sunflower seeds that had been sitting on the counter for three days. I cleaned them out, but I am pretty sure that was my last time. That is gross, and I am totally in the right to expect that the boys who spit them out into the cup should be the ones to clean the cup. I do a lot for the boys in my life, but that is not gonna be one of them.

I did it because, well, Mack has hung out with me all week and it hasn’t all been fun. Molly and Ruby went to Church Beach Camp this week.

I am sure I will get more photos upon their arrival back home, but for now this is all I have gotten.

But Mack and I have had a great week. Rolo has slept with him each night, except for that one night she snuck out and came into our bed. I let her stay, but it was the worst night’s sleep! Like a toddler in the bed. No thank you!!! Molly needs to hurry home because Rolo is missing her big time.

Monday we met friends for bowling and lunch. Tuesday it rained so we stayed home except for lunch and dry cleaners. Wednesday we went school shopping at the mall and WalMart. We went to a smoothie place also. He did pretty well until I asked him to try something on…you would have thought I had asked him to sew his own pants from scratch. Seriously. Just put the pants on and let me see them. We also ended up at the batting cage that evening, which was a ton of fun for Mack. We ate at Shane’s Rib Shack. Thursday we went to see a movie, and he got a haircut. We threw the baseball while we waited for Josh to come home. We ate at home, and then we went to Jeni’s Ice Cream. Today has been low-key. Chickfila lunch and Publix shopping with laundry on the agenda this afternoon.  Being an only child has its perks, but we are all ready for the girls to be home. Mack needs more people to talk to than just me. And Rolo needs more people to feed her and pet her and walk her than just me!

Mack is such a funny kid. I love hanging out with him. He loves talking and telling stories and finding silly things on youtube for me to watch. He says the girls owe him big time for how he picked up their slack in the chore area this week. And you learn some things about your kid when they have your undivided attention. Like today at Publix he was able to let me know that he likes Tide Pods and wishes I would stick to buying them because “the other stuff is too much work and doesn’t come with specific enough directions and plus my hands get messy. With tide pods I just throw a couple in and I am done.” Well, Ok then. I will take your thoughts into consideration on future grocery runs.

Thanks for hanging out with me this week, Mack. I am grateful for any time I can get with you.

Family Vacation 2019

The kids wanted to go back to DollyWood this summer, so we did! But first we stopped to see our sweet friends, the Koesters.

We stayed at Dream More Resort and enjoyed the pool time.

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Mack and Molly in a hair towel wrap.  Hilarious.

Josh took the kids racing go-carts. It was hilarious. Mack was so happy and excited and then so mad and frustrated when Molly spun him out in a turn. Then, he was in front of two goober teenage boys that wanted around him so bad. Mack held his own and didn’t let them pass. I videoed and laughed the whole time. Ruby tootled along behind everyone enjoying her ride. These people like adventure. I like to video and take photos of them adventuring.

It was a great few days away as a family. I am so glad we were able to go and enjoy a break from the regular routine. These people are my favorite, and I love them.