“We’re skipping a lot of rocks, Josh.”
He knew what I meant.
I said these words as we lay in bed one evening, exhausted from the day, from the weeks of work. Him at his job, full of challenge and meetings and tangible rewards. Me at my job, full of kids’ education, dog’s vet appointments, dry-cleaning drop-off and pick-up, birthday shopping and planning for Ruby, church practice for Mack, ortho appointments for both girls, cleaning out closets, grocery shopping and cooking and laundry—with little tangible rewards.
“I need to leave here at 4:00 for the ortho—will you be home by 6:00 so Mack won’t be alone very long?”
“What is your morning like? I may need you to run by the bank for me. I will text you the details.”
“Have you seen my belt?”
“Can you take these bags to the car for me so I can take them to Goodwill tomorrow?”
“Can you wash my jeans? I need to wear them on Thursday.”
“Have you heard from the landscaper?”
“The kids did well on their end-of-the-year testing, but there are a few areas I still need to focus on in the coming year.”
“What’s for dinner?”
“Love you, have a good day!”
“Love you, too.”
Necessary rocks, these little conversations we have. Nothing wrong with skipping rocks, but are we dropping any rocks in the water so that they sink down deep?
“I can tell you’re so tired. Can we talk about it? Is there anything I can do to lighten your load?”
“How are you doing spiritually? What have you learned lately from your bible reading?”
“This verse really spoke to me today about my role here at home. I want to tell you about it…..”
“If you were guaranteed that God would answer a prayer request you have, what would you ask Him?”
“On a scale from 1 to 10, how am I doing as your wife?”
“I was thinking about you today and am so glad I am married to you. Thank you for…….”
Dropping rocks means I am putting my phone away, closing up the laptop, and looking at Josh in the eyes. It’s not letting the other person off the hook when it comes to connecting. It’s scheduling date nights AND being prepared for those date nights with good questions….not questions about work or the kids unless you just really need to talk about those things. Rather, it is time for purposely remembering what it is like to be MARRIED, to be ONE, to be a TEAM, and to have dreams and goals, purpose and passion.
Skipping rocks is fine and normal and necessary.
Dropping rocks takes time and effort and intentionality.